Keeping Friends

Making and Keeping Friends

For some people making new friends comes easily. For others, it can be a difficult task. The development of a true friendship, whether it’s with one person or many people, is a great feeling. Below are a few commonly asked questions that will help you establish the confidence to make new friendships or strengthen the ones you already have.
Frequently Asked Questions
I'm going to high school this next year and I’m terrified. I was popular at my old school, but I’m scared I’ll become an outcast or that people won't like me. How can I make friends?Going to a new school is usually a little scary for most people. You’re completely normal with these feelings. We’re very confident that you won’t have problems making new friends. If you were popular at your old school, it shows us you’re a confident person and you already know how to make friends. Use the same skills you used to make the friends at your old school. A few other suggestions include:
Be friendly to people
Listen when people talk to you
Don’t make fun of people
Strike up conversations with other people in your classes
If you excel in a subject, help out the other students in your class
Laugh and have fun
I used to have a really good group of friends. Now, they’re all getting into smoking, drugs and sex. I want to find a new group of friends, but I’m shy. How can I figure out who are the types of people I should hang out with, and who will accept me?You’ve made a very important step already, in recognizing that it’s time to find new friends. Making and keeping good friends is a challenge for all of us, whether we’re shy or not. Since you’ve done this successfully before (you had a “really good group of friends,” before they got into dangerous behaviors,) one thing is to think back on how you developed friendships in the past. Probably the best way to make and keep friends is to find others who share your interests. Lasting friendships often develop between people who enjoy the same activities, like participating in sports, music, or after school clubs. You also want to be with friends who share your values and goals for life, and you may find them in church youth groups, scholastic activities like the debate team, or service groups. It just depends on what your own interests are.
That old saying is also true – that the best way to have a friend is to be a friend. Reach out to the others who share your interests, sit with them at lunch, invite them to join you in the activities you all like, listen to their thoughts and tell them yours. Being a real friend takes time and effort. Although your set of friends will probably change over the years, you may also find “best friends” during your school years that you’ll always stay connected with.
Why do teenagers change to suit their friends?This is a very difficult question that can be extremely frustrating. One of the first steps would be to talk to your friend and tell him or her how you’re feeling. In situations like this, the other person may not be aware that he or she is causing you to hurt and a simple phone call can make all the difference in the world. It’s always important to share your feelings with others who influence your emotions. They don’t know what’s going on, unless you share your thoughts.
However, sometimes friends do drift apart. As we grow older, our interests change and sometimes this means that a friendship may not be as close as it once was. This also means that you, too, may find a different group of friends to spend time with. You may also want to talk about this with a trusted adult, such as a teacher, counselor, clergy member, parent or other relative.
I don't have that many friends. I don't know why people don't like me. What should I do to keep friends?It’s painful to think that others don’t like us, and often that’s not even the case. They just may not show acceptance in the way we need to see it. One helpful thing is to be sure you let others know you like them. Smile, talk to them, listen with interest and compliment them sincerely on positive things they do or that you like about them. People are naturally drawn toward others who appreciate them.
It’s also important to remember that no matter what, you should always be yourself. Sometimes when you focus on “keeping friends,” you might begin to do things or act in certain ways that aren’t normally part of your personality. If your friend’s attitude is unfriendly, that doesn’t mean you should become hurtful to other people because your friend has suddenly started to do it. If keeping a friendship means you have to become someone who you aren’t, then that friendship isn’t worth keeping.